Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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