I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
