She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
