Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
