I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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