Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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