dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He passed out mid-signature
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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