she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
