Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
