You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
