just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
