I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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