I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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