She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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