I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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