my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
we made out on top of his cat.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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