I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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