It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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