Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
