Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
