You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
