I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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