Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
