I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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