I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
