the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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