We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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