Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
