i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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