So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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