Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
