Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
