This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
