I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
