i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
