her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Randomize
