Already got asked if we're dating
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
