4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
