Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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