Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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