hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I hope mine doesn't look like that
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
