you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
