THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I enjoy the company of your penis
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
