took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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