Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
