My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
