apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
