hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
