the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
