I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
