I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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