I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
