Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
