She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
