WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
