i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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